Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Legislature passes bill calling for child-care van alarms

There it is again..
We have to pass a law because we have some really really stupid people...
Even though a vast majority of people are not completely stupid, we will raise the cost and inconvenience people who have a brain because a small minority are so very stupid they do not know there is a kid in the van...
Even though these people are very stupid, they will figure out a way to disable the alarms...
You can't fix stupid...


Anonymous said...

Why not tie a bag of crack around each baby's neck? I'll bet the drivers never forget to check the vans again.

blamin said...

This from a news report I saw just today.

There’s a problem facing many Americans that many don’t want to discuss, but thank godbuddahalahwitchhazelalgore the Obama Administration is taking an active roll in the solution.

Reporters from W-UFNKY channel 69 have uncovered a serious epidemic facing many Americans.

According to reports from the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, GA, Americans are not wiping their ass properly!

This has led to a rash of, err, rashes. Citizens of this country are walking around in public scratching their ass! Many of our countrymen are inundating emergency rooms throughout this land with this problem. And it doesn’t stop there.

Last week a lower level embassy official from the French Consulate in Paris was caught on camera scratching his ass in public.

From an official spokesman of the Obama Cabinet: “It’s one thing when Americans walk around in the US scratching their ass in public, but we Just Can’t Have US Citizens embarrassing Obama in front of the French!!!”

After careful consultation with Pelosi, Reed, and Emirates from the United Arab Alliance, President Obama has created a new cabinet position and executive department to control this problem.

From henceforth the Bureau of ASSWIPE or as is known in the current administration: the Bureau of Anal Sanitary Services Watching Individuals to insure Proper Effluence has been created.

According to Obama officials, “We will not allow US citizens to embarrass the administration in front of the French. And to ensure proper ass hygiene from henceforth a multi-layered, multi-faceted bureaucracy will go forth and insure proper wiping techniques. All US citizens, illegal immigrants are exempt, will allow ASSWIPE officials entry into their homes in order to observe the techniques that will be promulgated by executive officials. These techniques will incorporate but not be limited to : use of properly approved feces removing material, a proper vertical wiping motion, and of course an environmentally friendly toilet/flushing system.

“Properly removing the feces, will not, we repeat, will not be the prime focus of ASSWIPE, however, proper techniques, and proper green methods will be the focus.”

“President Obama realizes the hardship this may cause, therefore any persons using leaves, pine straw, old newspapers, pine cones, aluminum cans, or any other recyclable material will be awarded “bonus points” that can be used to offset negative scores used in an ASSWIPE report card.”

By using approved bio-degradable materials, properly educated citizens can build up ASSWIPE points to use against future infractions. Also, any willing to support the Obama Administration will be eligible to purchase ASSWIPE offsets. At the low, low cost of $1 per square, the citizenry can purchase ASSWIPE offsets allowing them to use one square of evil/Charmin per dollar spent.